Monday, August 29, 2005
"
Shut the F*ck Up...
"
Ok, I got to spend some quality time with my sister from out of town this weekend. Now, don't get me wrong, I love all of my sisters and would die to try to protect them, but sometimes I'm reminded that silence is golden...
My dear sister came home to pick up her son who was visiting my parents this Saturday, so naturally, I went over to visit her. I wasn't even there an hour when I was reminded ever so bluntly that "her husband goes to work every day so that I can have my fucked up opinion". My brother-in-law is a Senior Chief in the Navy, and, of course, my sister is a rabid Republican being a military wife. I'm not sure that she liked being reminded that my husband is a disabled Air Force veteran, and he pretty much shares the same "fucked up" opinion that I have. Actually, it's pretty funny, but she didn't phrase it quite that way when my husband & Stimpy's husband (an Army vet) were in the room. Now, I don't go quite as far to the left as my sister Stimpy, but if you couldn't have guessed, I'm definitely not on the far right, either.
I would have really liked to get into it with her, but I wouldn't do that at Mom & Dad's house. Especially since she let her friends in Virginia dogpile Mom while she was down there to visit, Mom doesn't want to hear any political arguments.
Ugh.
My dear sister came home to pick up her son who was visiting my parents this Saturday, so naturally, I went over to visit her. I wasn't even there an hour when I was reminded ever so bluntly that "her husband goes to work every day so that I can have my fucked up opinion". My brother-in-law is a Senior Chief in the Navy, and, of course, my sister is a rabid Republican being a military wife. I'm not sure that she liked being reminded that my husband is a disabled Air Force veteran, and he pretty much shares the same "fucked up" opinion that I have. Actually, it's pretty funny, but she didn't phrase it quite that way when my husband & Stimpy's husband (an Army vet) were in the room. Now, I don't go quite as far to the left as my sister Stimpy, but if you couldn't have guessed, I'm definitely not on the far right, either.
I would have really liked to get into it with her, but I wouldn't do that at Mom & Dad's house. Especially since she let her friends in Virginia dogpile Mom while she was down there to visit, Mom doesn't want to hear any political arguments.
Ugh.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
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Victim's Boot Camp
"
I wrote the following piece quite a while ago on another site, and after watching some daytime talk shows, it felt relevant again...
Tired of taking responsibility for your own life? Want to find a way to place the blame for your problems on someone else? Then I've got the solution for you...Victim's Boot Camp! That's right! Only at Victim's Boot Camp can you learn how to finesse your own personal screw ups into someone else's fault!
Are your kids assholes? Are they disrespectful to you and other adults? Do they use profanity like a drunken sailor? It couldn't be because they've been given a poor example at home, therefore it has to be because of the entertainment industry! Yep, all of those movies you let them see and profanity-laden rap CDs must be the culprit! There, now don't you feel more empowered?
Do you spend many lonely nights, staring at the phone, because you went and got yourself hooked on a married man? Are you frustrated because you really believed him when he said he'd leave his wife and marry you? It's not your fault... it's got to be the wife's fault! "Well, if she would have just treated him right, he wouldn't have gone looking elsewhere...then I wouldn't be where I am right now". Yes, that's right, forget about your own lack of integrity and morals and his being a lying, cheating slimeball! Our patented technique will let your guilt slide off of you like eggs on Teflon.
Here at Victim's Boot Camp, we pride ourselves on empowering our clients and showing them how to make their lives stress free. Just follow our patented Guilt Removal practices, and you'll be well on your way to a happy, guilt free existance. All this can be yours for a low $3995. You'll be the envy of all your friends, and every person who has ever been a guest on the "Jerry Springer" show.
OK, so I changed it just a bit from the original, but that's all right...
Thursday, August 04, 2005
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Girl's Night Out, Eh?
"
I received this in my email today, and I thought I'd share...
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing...
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night... You hear her stumble into bed around 4 AM and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover...
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night...
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece...
You circle the car looking for dents and find none...
But...Wait a minute... What the?!?!
Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing...
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night... You hear her stumble into bed around 4 AM and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover...
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night...
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece...
You circle the car looking for dents and find none...
But...Wait a minute... What the?!?!
Monday, August 01, 2005
"
Ugh...
"
That's right, I said ugh. I know that I shouldn't be surprised about Dubya using a recess appointment to put that idiot Bolton in the UN, but it still pisses me off. Our fair Republic has enough credibility problems around the globe, we didn't need this. Bush is sending a complete asshole into the most dignified diplomatic body on the planet. That ought to go over like a lead balloon.
Shit, even Sen. Voinovich (R) from my beloved Buckeye state was vehemently arguing against Bolton. Well, I guess this is just one more example of Dubya thumbing his nose at our own congress, as well as the rest of the world.
Shit, even Sen. Voinovich (R) from my beloved Buckeye state was vehemently arguing against Bolton. Well, I guess this is just one more example of Dubya thumbing his nose at our own congress, as well as the rest of the world.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
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Well, It's About F****** Time!!!
"
As the title suggests, my own personal hell is over...there's a labor agreement for the NHL. It's great if you're an owner, not so great for the players, but if they would have just accepted the "last, best offer" in February, they'd be a lot better off. As it stands, I really don't care what they're getting paid, as long as they get their collective asses back on the ice this fall.
I would also like to state, for the record, if given the chance, I would bitch slap both Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow. I'm sure that there would be a long line for this little delight. I just want to know what in the living hell these two boneheads were thinking. Especially Goodenow...NO, we won't take a salary cap...We'll NEVER accept a salary cap...OK, we'll take a salary cap, but the team cap has just got to be $52 million or we won't accept it...Cancel the season? Go right ahead...Wow, now that we don't have to play, let's work day and night to secure a fair deal for our membership...What's that? You want to keep that 24% rollback in salaries that we mentioned? That sounds great. Something else? A maximum team salary cap of $32 million? That sounds just great! We'll take it! Now, just run me off a copy of that with some flimsies so I can go over it at the next union meeting...The guys are gonna love this!!!
Yeah, right...I wonder if you can get a decent shot off when you're shooting tomatoes...
I would also like to state, for the record, if given the chance, I would bitch slap both Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow. I'm sure that there would be a long line for this little delight. I just want to know what in the living hell these two boneheads were thinking. Especially Goodenow...NO, we won't take a salary cap...We'll NEVER accept a salary cap...OK, we'll take a salary cap, but the team cap has just got to be $52 million or we won't accept it...Cancel the season? Go right ahead...Wow, now that we don't have to play, let's work day and night to secure a fair deal for our membership...What's that? You want to keep that 24% rollback in salaries that we mentioned? That sounds great. Something else? A maximum team salary cap of $32 million? That sounds just great! We'll take it! Now, just run me off a copy of that with some flimsies so I can go over it at the next union meeting...The guys are gonna love this!!!
Yeah, right...I wonder if you can get a decent shot off when you're shooting tomatoes...
Thursday, July 07, 2005
"
Cowards Strike Again...
"
I was awakened this morning by my husband with some terrible news. He informed me about the terrorist attacks in London. I have since been pretty much glued to my set for information about the attacks. They say that these were the worst attacks on London since World War II, and I do believe that they are right. The entire western world is rushing to the conclusion that these attacks were carried out by Islamic extremists. There's no proof yet, but it really does look as if that were the right assumption.
God bless the perserverance of the British populace. We Americans could learn a thing or two from our British bretheren about decorum. I believe it may have been summed up best by TMB in his blog today.
I feel as though I'm rambling a bit today. Not quite sure if what I'm saying is making sense. I suppose one's thoughts might be scattered when your first stimulus of the day was news of yet another terrorist attack. Scads of innocent people being killed and maimed in a coward's pursuit of justice. How many times will these assholes do this before they realize that it won't change our policies? Are they that stupid that they can't see? Or are they so blinded by their own hatred that this is the only solution that they can see. I suppose that is the $64 dollar question...
The one truth here is that we are all part of a society that has been forever changed since September 11, 2001, and our home will never be the same. What we can do is continue to live our lives as free Americans, not shackeled to our homes by fear.
God bless the perserverance of the British populace. We Americans could learn a thing or two from our British bretheren about decorum. I believe it may have been summed up best by TMB in his blog today.
I feel as though I'm rambling a bit today. Not quite sure if what I'm saying is making sense. I suppose one's thoughts might be scattered when your first stimulus of the day was news of yet another terrorist attack. Scads of innocent people being killed and maimed in a coward's pursuit of justice. How many times will these assholes do this before they realize that it won't change our policies? Are they that stupid that they can't see? Or are they so blinded by their own hatred that this is the only solution that they can see. I suppose that is the $64 dollar question...
The one truth here is that we are all part of a society that has been forever changed since September 11, 2001, and our home will never be the same. What we can do is continue to live our lives as free Americans, not shackeled to our homes by fear.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
"
End of a Love Affair...
"
Well, a sad end has come for me. The end to my life-long love affair with Tom Cruise. I don't know how much more I can take of the Scientology Poster Boy. I suppose that love truly is blind, until the object of your affection opens his mouth.
I don't know if it's Katie Holmes, he's reached the next level in the L. Ron Hubbard circus, or he just got a bad batch of hair gel that's rotting his brain, but he has officially gone off his rocker. Don't believe me? Go to msnbc.com and read the transcripts of his interview with Matt Lauer. Or just read up on Scientology...it's an anal probe for the brain. You've got to be a little looney to embrace a religion created by a science fiction writer. C'mon, did you guys see Battlefield Earth? Crazy...
I wonder if Rosie O'Donnell still wants him to mow her lawn shirtless...
I don't know if it's Katie Holmes, he's reached the next level in the L. Ron Hubbard circus, or he just got a bad batch of hair gel that's rotting his brain, but he has officially gone off his rocker. Don't believe me? Go to msnbc.com and read the transcripts of his interview with Matt Lauer. Or just read up on Scientology...it's an anal probe for the brain. You've got to be a little looney to embrace a religion created by a science fiction writer. C'mon, did you guys see Battlefield Earth? Crazy...
I wonder if Rosie O'Donnell still wants him to mow her lawn shirtless...
Friday, June 17, 2005
"
New Layout...Old Gripe...
"
This, I like! My little Tiki Girl layout that was borrowed from Blogdrive Templates. Cool.
Now, for the gripe...
How suprised are we supposed to be that Terri Schiavo's parents don't believe the autopsy results? I just can't believe, with that kind of evidence staring you in the face, how you could come up with any other conclusion (O.J. trial not withstanding). The findings of the autopsy showed brain injury that was completely consistant with a persistant vegetative state, and that she was also blind, and unable to respond to visual stimulation as her parents had claimed. Other than a pound of flesh from their former son-in-law, what more could they want?
At this point, I think that Terri herself could come back as a ghost, tell her parents "No, really, that's what I wanted...couldn't you tell that I wasn't coming back?", and they would probably try to say that Michael put her ghost up to it.
Even worse, now, Jeb Bush wants an investigation into the supposed 70 to 90 minute time lapse between the time that Michael found Terri and when he called 911. Now, if he had actually waited that long to call 911, she would have died right then and there. I guess Jeb really is no smarter than his brother...talk about beating a dead horse...
Well, I hope everyone likes my refurbished space...I do!
How suprised are we supposed to be that Terri Schiavo's parents don't believe the autopsy results? I just can't believe, with that kind of evidence staring you in the face, how you could come up with any other conclusion (O.J. trial not withstanding). The findings of the autopsy showed brain injury that was completely consistant with a persistant vegetative state, and that she was also blind, and unable to respond to visual stimulation as her parents had claimed. Other than a pound of flesh from their former son-in-law, what more could they want?
At this point, I think that Terri herself could come back as a ghost, tell her parents "No, really, that's what I wanted...couldn't you tell that I wasn't coming back?", and they would probably try to say that Michael put her ghost up to it.
Even worse, now, Jeb Bush wants an investigation into the supposed 70 to 90 minute time lapse between the time that Michael found Terri and when he called 911. Now, if he had actually waited that long to call 911, she would have died right then and there. I guess Jeb really is no smarter than his brother...talk about beating a dead horse...
Well, I hope everyone likes my refurbished space...I do!
Monday, June 13, 2005
"
What I Want for My Birthday...
"
As at least one of you may know (Stimp), tomorrow is my birthday. 32-years-old. Here's a few things I'd like for my birthday, in no certain order...
- An end to the hockey lockout
- A common-sense plan to pull our troops out of Iraq
- Free coffee
- A marked reduction in my stress level
- Ice cream cake
- Cheaper gas prices
- A few strokes off my golf game
- A new Yoda for my collection
- Patience
- No QNPM Meeting on my birthday
- A certain Louis Vuitton handbag (pipe dream!)
- And, never to see anyone I know trying to wear this bathing suit
Thursday, June 02, 2005
"
So Much to Say, So Little Time...
"
There's quite a few things I would like to talk about today, but I'm not sure where I want to stop, so this could be quite the rambling entry.
I read an article a few days ago where the parents of a 16-year-old boy got a stripper to perform at his birthday party. Now, I don't have a problem with this, but some people might. Where this situation starts to get stupid is that he wasn't the only minor at his birthday party. It was a room full of teenage boys. Secondly, the authorities were called by the drug store where the parents dropped off their film to be developed from the party. OK, I'm no rocket scientist, but I know full well the value of either a digital camera or a Polaroid. For the love of Pete, if you're going to take pictures of something that might be illegal, don't use a film camera, Einstein! Last time I checked in on this story, both parents were facing with a variety of charges, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor among other things. The stripper is also staring at her own charges from this party.
Next on the agenda...Deep Throat...
This week, W. Mark Felt, former Deputy Director of the FBI, revealed that he was, in fact, the mythic "Deep Throat". Depending on your particular politics, you either think he was a hero or a traitor. For me to say he's a hero, would be like saying that Linda Tripp was a hero for illegally taping her conversations with Monica Lewinsky for the prosecution. Perhaps there could have been a better way to handle both situations. Only history can judge that.
Finally, a subject near and dear to my heart...the hockey lockout...
I don't know how much more I can take. ESPN decided not to play with the NHL anymore because of the lockout, most likely as a chip to get themselves a cheaper TV contract. Rumors are swirling that if they can't get it done by June 15th, they may as well just cancel the upcoming season too. Aaaauuggghhh!!! Both sides have met 17 times since the season was cancelled...maybe if the dumb fucks would have met that many times before the season was cancelled, it wouldn't have been cancelled!!!
I'm sorry...I cursed...forgive me...*sigh*
I read an article a few days ago where the parents of a 16-year-old boy got a stripper to perform at his birthday party. Now, I don't have a problem with this, but some people might. Where this situation starts to get stupid is that he wasn't the only minor at his birthday party. It was a room full of teenage boys. Secondly, the authorities were called by the drug store where the parents dropped off their film to be developed from the party. OK, I'm no rocket scientist, but I know full well the value of either a digital camera or a Polaroid. For the love of Pete, if you're going to take pictures of something that might be illegal, don't use a film camera, Einstein! Last time I checked in on this story, both parents were facing with a variety of charges, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor among other things. The stripper is also staring at her own charges from this party.
Next on the agenda...Deep Throat...
This week, W. Mark Felt, former Deputy Director of the FBI, revealed that he was, in fact, the mythic "Deep Throat". Depending on your particular politics, you either think he was a hero or a traitor. For me to say he's a hero, would be like saying that Linda Tripp was a hero for illegally taping her conversations with Monica Lewinsky for the prosecution. Perhaps there could have been a better way to handle both situations. Only history can judge that.
Finally, a subject near and dear to my heart...the hockey lockout...
I don't know how much more I can take. ESPN decided not to play with the NHL anymore because of the lockout, most likely as a chip to get themselves a cheaper TV contract. Rumors are swirling that if they can't get it done by June 15th, they may as well just cancel the upcoming season too. Aaaauuggghhh!!! Both sides have met 17 times since the season was cancelled...maybe if the dumb fucks would have met that many times before the season was cancelled, it wouldn't have been cancelled!!!
I'm sorry...I cursed...forgive me...*sigh*
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